Why is this so hard???

Woke up this morning and realize that it was time for my monthly weigh in. Not looking forward to it because I know it has been a not-so-good kinda month. I know I have failed myself in so many areas in regards to my health. I have not been a good steward of the body God has given me to take care of. Way too many desserts and not enough exercise. Larger portions of food and not enough water. All these "excuses" run through my mind during the 5 seconds it takes me to walk to the bathroom. All negative thoughts.

Nothing  positive and uplifting  to say to myself and I have not even gotten on the scale yet. With all these facts running around in my head why should I be shocked when I look at the scale and see an increase? After all didn't I just accuse myself of being lazy and not doing enough? Turns out that what I was calling it is what it became. I was calling it a month of failure and it was. I was calling it a month of being lazy an just letting too much slide by. Why was I surprised that everything that I had been speaking over myself had come to pass?

But in the midst of all these thoughts swirling round in my head I can still hear the loving voice of my Savior telling me that today is a new day and has no mistakes in it. Today I have a whole new set of mercies. Today I can start fresh and yesterdays excuses are just that, they belong to yesterday. What a peace! The decision is in my hands.What am I gonna make of this new day? This new chance to get it right? I can either live under the condemnation of what I have done wrong or I can try again. I can grab this new day with an excitement and anticipation that this is the day that I took the control back. This is the day that I stop finding excuses to not do what I know is right. After all isn't an excuse just my finding a reason to not do what I know I should do?

Fighting internal dialogue in a moment of desperation

Have you ever made a decision that at the time seemed like a really great idea, but as you walk the decision out you realize that there is a lot of conflicting emotions that come to the surface? This describes me the past 19 days. If your not familiar with my journey then let me sum it up. About 2 years ago I started on a journey to better health. Fast forward and I had lost 100 pounds through a very set diet and intense exercise plan. Fast forward one more time and you have me getting back surgery for a ruptured disc that I most likely got from the intense workouts I was doing.

So here I sit today. Not able to do the workouts I want to, due to my limitations, needing to lose another 40 pounds, and trying to wrap my brain around what I can do to make this happen. Knowing that I needed to start back at the beginning of my journey I decided to go on a 30 day sugar fast. The first time I did this was when I first started 2 years ago. I lost 15 pounds that first month. Well obviously if it worked then with such terrific results then it should work now right? What I did not expect was the internal dialogue that I would have to face and deal with.

You see I am not the same person I was 2 years. I have learned so much about food and have made so many healthy changes to my food consumption that there really isn't any "bad" food involved. But you see I am just like everyone else in the world that is trying to lose weight. I get these moments of desperation where I feel so disgusted with how slow things are moving that I feel like I need to make a big change to get me jump started. All rational thoughts of my reality and limitations just fly out the window. Everything that I have learned and believed, everything that I have manged to accomplish,  just doesn't seem to matter in those moments of desperation. I analyze everything I have eaten over the past week and berate and belittle myself  for not caring enough about my end goal. After all if I really wanted to lose weight then I would not have had the second helping of food or the bowl of ice cream. I am amazed at how cruel and degrading I can be to myself. I would never dream of saying the things that I say to myself to another person. Then why is it all right for me to talk to myself like this? Why am I so negative and hard on myself in these moments of desperation? I think it all comes down to a lie that I have always believed about myself. I am not good enough. If I don't have the perfect body or the perfect hair and clothes then I am not good enough. If I don't eat all the right food in the right amounts then I am not good enough. If I don't do crazy and intense workouts then I am not good enough. But what if I stop believing this lie? What if I look at where I was 2 years ago and compare it to where I am now?

I was 260 pounds, had no energy, and was just getting through life not really living it. I am not that woman anymore. I have grown in so many ways that the woman from back then is not even recognizable to me. I have come a very long way. That is why I call this my journey to better health. This is not a sprint for me. This is a life long journey of learning and trying new things. Some of it will work and some of it won't but that should not dictate how I see myself.

Back to this 30 day sugar fast. This was a decision that was made out of desperation so the question then becomes should  even continue to do this? I realized that this was all part of my past dieters mentality. So I went out and bought some ice cream. I had every intention of having a bowl and not feeling any remorse about it. I would love to say that is what happened but it is not. I scooped myself out a bowl and was about to put it in my mouth when...yup you guessed it..that dang internal dialogue kicked. I had come so far on this fast could I really not do two more weeks. Was having that bowl of ice cream worth sabotaging all the detoxing of sugar my body had already accomplished? I actually gagged looking at the spoon and could not put it in mouth. I have made the decision that I will finish the fast out to the full 30 days. I mean it is not like it is harming my body in anyway. This whole experience has shown me that I still have a long way to go in correcting my internal talk.

How am I going to respond the next time I have a moment of desperation and get all frustrated about my progress? I guess I really do need to keep looking at how far I have come in the past 2 years. I need to be realistic about what I can and cannot do now. And I also need to realize that allowing a small occasional treat is not going to ruin all my progress. It is like the amazing Jillian Michaels says that if you eat right 80% of the time and splurge the other 20% your still going to see some positive results. I know for me I could never allow myself that 20% option but 1 treat a week isn't going to destroy everything.   I hope. Guess I still need to work on that internal dialogue some more. I am still a work in progress still striving to be the best me I can be.

Change is in the air

It has been a long couple months since my surgery.  A time of healing and lots of physical therapy to regain as much mobility as I could.  This has not only been a time of physical healing for me. This has been a time of reflection. Time to look back and see how I can do things differently. Time to come up with a fresh plan for losing the rest rest of this weight and getting my body back into shape. I have found myself  rethinking what my food "rules" are and what it is going to take to get my body toned again. After all you can't keep the body you had after being on bed rest for 6 weeks and then limited mobility for several months. I was really shocked at how fast I lost all my muscle tone with this injury,but at least this is something that is fixable.

My big change that I am currently doing is a 30-day sugar fast. During my time of recuperation, I really started to slip back into my sugar cravings. I know for me the best way of handling this is to go cold turkey, completely shut of my access to it. This has not been easy. I can't tell you how many times a day I crave a hot  fudge sundae or some chocolate chip cookies. But I know that this is for my good. If I can just get to day 10 my body should have all that junk out of it.The cravings should be a whole lot less and easier to deal with. I am currently at day 8 and actually starting to feel a bit more energized. I hate the way sugar makes the body so sluggish and tired all the time. My safety net has been a  piece of fruit like a banana or an orange.

My second big change has been in the exercise department. My body has gotten to the point where it is craving to exercise again. My muscle are just aching to get moving . I have started to do my elliptical in the morning to get a little cardio in. I add 1 minute on to my time for every session. I have been taking it slow so far. Before this injury it was no big deal to knock out a 45 min cardio session followed by a 30 min weights session. That is definitely a thing of the past for me, but that does not mean that I just sit around and do nothing. I have to see what my body can handle.What exercises can I do safely and how can I still get the benefit of lifting weights while still protecting my back? These are all questions I am working on answering. Trying new things and seeing just how far I can go without causing myself any pain. So for me this is a time of  learning and regrouping. A time to see where my body is really at and find a way to get it back to where it was. I am not a quitter. I am more than a conqueror!!

Yummy Lentil Tacos

I am always trying to find new and exciting ways to cook beans. We only eat meat as our protein source 2x a week, so I count on the bean department for that most days. I came across this recipe the other day, and like I do with everything I cook, I made this my own. Swap a little of this for a little of that kinda thing. This was what we had for dinner last night and boy was it delicious.


     Lentil Tacos

2 cups dried lentils ( 1 bag)
1 small onion diced
2 Tbsp chili powder
2 tsp oregano
2 garlic cloves minced
4 tsp cumin
5 cups water
salt to taste


Add all ingredients to pan and bring to boil. Cover and reduce heat to low for 30 min. Stir occasionally.
Remove from heat and uncover. Allow to sit a few minutes to thicken. I served this with some rice. We had this on soft taco shells with our favorite toppings. Cheese, salsa, sour cream, whatever you enjoy. This does make a big batch and is great for leftovers. We will be using the leftovers on top of a big salad for lunch today. Simple to make.Chemical free.Easy on the budget. Sounds perfect to me. Enjoy!!!

Aspartame and Milk?

There are a lot of things in life that just are not right and most of the time I don't bother to say something unless it affects me or my family in a personal way. This is definitely one of those times. How many of you have heard about the milk and aspartame fiasco that is going on right now? I think a lot of people have no idea what I am talking about and if they have heard about it they don't really care. But this is not an issue that is okay to ignore. This is an issue that will affect many people, and in a very harmful way. What am I talking about? Well I am glad you asked.


There is a petition currently in front of the FDA from the dairy and milk industries to be able to alter the definition of milk to include chemical sweeteners like aspartame and sucralose. If this gets approved they will not have to tell you on food labels that deadly, poisonous chemicals are in your food.
 
The following is a excerpts from the petition that has been filed: "IDFA and NMPF request their proposed amendments to the milk standard of identity to allow optional characterizing flavoring ingredients used in milk (e.g., chocolate flavoring added to milk) to be sweetened with any safe and suitable sweetener -- including non-nutritive sweeteners such as aspartame."

and

"IDFA and NMPF argue that nutrient content claims such as 'reduced calorie' are not attractive to children, and maintain that consumers can more easily identify the overall nutritional value of milk products that are flavored with non-nutritive sweeteners if the labels do not include such claims. Further, the petitioners assert that consumers do not recognize milk -- including flavored milk -- as necessarily containing sugar. Accordingly, the petitioners state that milk flavored with non-nutritive sweeteners should be labeled as milk without further claims so that consumers can 'more easily identify its overall nutritional value'."
Basically this is saying people are not choosing the reduced fat/low calorie option so much and by adding chemical sweeteners that are very low in calories, they are helping the obesity epidemic that is strangling our country. This really is a big lie though. There is nothing healthy at all in these chemical sweeteners. They are dangerous and very deadly when consumed. How do I know? Well I am glad you asked that question too.
  I am very sensitive to additives and chemicals that are added to pre-made and pre-packaged food. I get some very intense digestive discomfort (I will spare you a detailed description) and a very fast-setting migraine  I have never been one to have these problems until I suddenly one day started having some severe reactions to the food I was eating. It took me several years to figure out what was causing these reactions but I was able to narrow it down to artificial sweeteners, like aspartame and Splenda, and additives, like MSG and nitrates. I soon as I stopped eating products that had these additives I stopped having symptoms. This is also how I can tell when any of these chemicals have been sneaked into my food.

If this bill gets passed it will affect those of us who have a very severe reaction to any kind of chemicals. How many people look at a product and see that it has milk in it and immediately think "Oh that is a poison"? And I am not just talking about milk that they want to do this with. I am talking about yogurt, sour cream, cottage cheese, cream cheese, heavy cream, and basically anything that is milk based.

Now I know that some people at this point are wondering why this is such a bad idea. Why is a low calorie sweetener added to my food so terrible? In order to help you understand that one we need to talk about aspartame.  

To understand the effects aspartame has on the body we need to break down what it actually is.  A molecule of aspartame is a chemical combination made up of 3 chemical parts phenylalnine, aspartic acid, and methyl ester.

1. Phenylalanine -- a common amino acid that is found in protein. When found in its natural state, this amino acid is not bad for you. It is normally found in protein sources like eggs, milk, and bananas.  The problem comes when people start to mess with this amino acid and cause it to separate and stand alone.  When used alone it acts as a neurotoxin and excites the neurons in the brain to the point of cellular death.  ADD/ADHD, and emotional and behavioral disorders can all be triggered by too much Phenylalanine in the daily diet.  However in aspartame it makes up 50% of the molecule.  And if you consider the amount of diet and sugar free product that are consumed daily in this country it really is no surprise why our bodies are reacting the way they are. Our bodies are used to dealing with 4% of this molecule not 50%.  Our bodies do not know what to do with it.

2. Aspartic Acid-- Makes up 40% of the aspartame molecule.  It is a major excito-toxin.  An excito-toxin is any chemical that causes the brain cells to get over-excited to the point that they burn themselves out.  This chemical,  aspartic acid, also passes through the blood brain barrier. What is the blood brain barrier? Simply put it does 3 main things:

1. Protects the brain from "foreign substances" in the blood that may injure the brain.
2. Protects the brain from hormones and neurotransmitters in the rest of the body.
3. Maintains a constant environment for the brain.

As we age the barrier gets porous and that is when Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease occur. If you are consistently using any products with aspartame, it will pass right through this protective barrier.

3. Methyl Ester-- Makes up the remaining 10%.  As soon as swallowed it turns into free methyl alcohol or methanol (which is commonly called wood alcohol--a real poison to the body). Methyl Ester is also known as formaldehyde or embalming fluid. Aspartame turns to formaldehyde at 86 degrees. Your normal body temp is 98.7. You do the math.

Reported side effects of aspartame include the following: migraines, memory loss, Alzheimer's, Lou Gehrig's disease, stroke, Multiple Sclerosis, abnormal heart beat, juvenile asthma, diabetes, cancer, and fertility issues (decrease sperm count and damages the woman's eggs).

The incidence of miscarriages and low birth weight babies increases when the mother drinks aspartame when pregnant.

Here is a link that will give you a list of side effects that has been submitted to the FDA over the past few years that are associated with aspartame consumption.
Aspartame causes the body to crave carbohydrates.  That is why you will always find the soda coolers next to big potato chips displays. That also clarifies why some people who drink diet soda are usually on the heavy side.

The final thing I want to share about Aspartame, is what other names it goes by. It is sometimes called NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, Equal-Measure, natural flavors, Benevia, and some forms of Stevia. Here is a link that leads to a list of every day products aspartame is found in. And if this amendment is allowed to happen you can add dairy to this list as well.

These are just some of the facts I have gathered over the past few years on this topic and it really is up to each individual to do their own research.
I guess what this really boils down to is that we need to take our health back and be in charge of what we eat and drink.Be an informed consumer. Now what is in the foods you eat and know what affects it will have on your body and health. After all ignorance is not bliss; it is usually stupidity.


Sources
Hopefully after reading all of this you have a better understanding of why this is such a bad idea. If you want to read more about aspartame and the affects it has on the body I strongly recommend you watch the documentary "Sweet Misery". I found it very informative and really got me thinking about what is in our food.

If you want to read some interesting news articles on this whole dairy fiasco here are a few link to some good articles on this subject.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/07/aspartame-milk_n_2828359.html

http://www.naturalnews.com/039244_milk_aspartame_FDA_petition.html

If you would like to let the FDA know where you stand on this issue this link will walk you through those steps.
https://www.federalregister.gov/articles/2013/02/20/2013-03835/flavored-milk-petition-to-amend-the-standard-of-identity-for-milk-and-17-additional-dairy-products

My new mission

It has been awhile since I posted my last blog. I do have a really good excuse though. Just after Thanksgiving   I started feeling some real tightness in my back. This is not a new thing for me at all so I did what I always did; I went to my chiropractor. This has always worked before so I saw no reason why this time would be different; unfortunately I was wrong. After 6 visits and being completely bed ridden, it become very clear I had a very serious problem going on. To make a long story short, I ended up needing to get back surgery. I am currently getting physical therapy to work out the remaining kinks in all of this. See I told you I had a good excuse.

One thing all this down time has given me is plenty of time to figure out what I really think about health and exercise. How does one continue to lose weight and stay healthy if your stuck in bed? Is that even possible? What happens when you have a long road of recovery ahead of you and exercise is just not an option? Are you doomed for the rest of your life? These are really hard questions that I just have no answer for.

I guess the best place to start is at the beginning. For me the first step was to get a detox going. I really needed to get all the pain killer and anesthesia residue out of my body. I really feel for people who have to take pain killers on a constant basis. I absolutely hate the way they made me feel disconnected from reality and they never truly dealt with the pain. Thank God I have been pain free in my back since the surgery. This detox is still a work in process. I'm doing it nice and slow so that my body doesn't get overwhelmed with all the harmful toxins it is trying to get rid of. The next area I can control is what I am eating. My eating at this time is pretty basic. I try to not add any extra fat to my food. Simple things like not buttering my toast and eating nothing that is greasy or fried, which for me that has never been an issue.  Next I try to make sure I am getting plenty of protein so that my body has what it needs to rebuild . When it comes to carbs I have a very small amount at every meal to keep my body burning. Since I can't work them off it is important to watch them closely. Finally I eat lots of veggies. Most of my lunch and dinner plate is a big green salad with NO dressing, I prefer a little balsamic vinegar to a heavy dressing. And finally we have the drinks department. That one is easy..Water..Lots of water. Water is not only going to help the detox process along, but it will also keep my body hydrated so every organ can function properly.

This is really not easy for me to stop exercising. Before this I was working out 4-5 times a week doing cardio and weights. At this moment I have no idea when I will ever be able to do that again. But I will not let this keep me from reaching my weight loss goal. So I will continue to ponder these questions until I have some answers that satisfy me . Stay tuned.